Transformers: Ugh of the Moon

I could go into a depth critique of Transformers: Dark of the Moon (*snicker* seriously, I can’t read that name with a straight face), but in a film so disjointed and incoherent, I’m just going to do a Twitter-like sound-off. And here we go:

  • The dialogue in this movie makes True Blood sound like The Wire.
  • I really hope Alan Tudyk, Jon Tuturro, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, Ken Jeong, and Terry Tate(!)* got paid a lot for this. It would be a good explanation for the terrible Kennedy cg in the beginning.
  • This movie does bring up a new film discussion: which Ken Jeong character is more/less racist: this one here or the one from The Hangovers?
  • Is Alan Tudyk just playing Alpha from Dollhouse? No, wait, that would be somewhat commendable.
  • Is it too much to ask that in a movie called “Transformers” that Transformers take up 70% of the screentime? Apparently yes.
  • When they’re sliding down the falling building (which, by the way, they jump out of. why that’s a good idea-oh that’s right, i’m not supposed to be thinking), Zapp Branigan keeps going off in my head saying “You win again, Gravity!”
  • Is Sentinel Prime supposed to be the hero? Because he kind of wants to kill the humans and the Decepticons in this fictional world, and that makes him a hero to me.
  • By the way, the humans are supposed to be their slaves in this master plan of theirs…so why are they killing their work force?-sorry, silly me, using those basic instincts like thoughts again.
  • People keep praising the destruction climax in Chicago. All it made me think is, “We need you, Batman/Chris Nolan. Now more than ever.”
  • Ugh.

*Terry Tate is a character portrayed by Lester Speight from Reebok commercials in 2003. The character later resurfaced during the 2008 election in “Return of Terry Tate” videos such as this.Post by Frank