I'm Every Woman [I've Ever Made Fun Of]



  • I had a bad day at work and when I was leaving the parking lot, I backed into a concrete sign.
  • I was on a date and when we got back to his house, I had to go to the bathroom. I seriously considered walking down to the McDonald's so I wouldn't have to poop at his place. 
  • I apologized for not liking a band today.
  • I've spent $800 on clothes and sheets the past four days.
  • I went out drinking with friends on two separate occasions and was wasted after one beer and one whiskey ginger ale.
  • I am currently watching Wipeout while I wait by my phone for a response to a date that I'm trying to reschedule after spending the majority of the day worrying that I've shown him that I'm actually not cool, but truly neurotic.
  • I found some wine I had hidden, but when I tasted it, it had spoiled. I drank it anyway.