"Days Of Our Lives" Weekly Recap: Horny Melancholy

Welcome to our weekly recap of Days Of Our Lives, the story of three gay men, a special guest manwhore, and the inconsequential straight people who bug the shit out of them (and us).

This week's Days Of Our Lives was almost Will-Free (he had a few briefs scenes early in the week), and i've learned exclusively that he spent the rest of his time taking a crash course in reporting at the Salem Learning Annex. Sadly, he failed the "Their, They're,  or There?" quiz, and he completely blew the "Who, What, Where, When, Why" essay by adding "Huh?" and doodling "Will Narita" over and over in the margins.Ever resourceful, Will did pass the class by agreeing to some "extra credit."mgid ao image logotv.com 412034Paul didn't have it much better this week. He shared a few scenes with Will (when Will's dad Lucas dropped by to tell them that Will's "feisty" grandma Kate killed Vivian) , and then Lucas hired him to find his Opera Floozy girlfriend Chloe, who suddenly left Salem, abandoning Lucas and their boring-ass rekindled romance.doolluc (2)The bulk of this week's story was the ongoing scamming of Sonny by Leo, which is becoming juicy in a weirdly retro sort of way. Can you take one of the hoariest cliches in soap opera (office sexual blackmail) and make it fresh by adding a gay angle? We'll see, but so far it's entertaining, thanks to the commitment of Greg Rikart, who seems to be having a lot of fun with a thinly-drawn character.If Leo was smart, he would have abandoned Vivian's plan to have him seduce and extort Sonny once he knew Sonny was smitten. Marrying Sonny would have been a much more lucrative way to have his student loans paid (Let's call it The Melania Way). Instead, with Vivian now dead, Kate has taken over the puppet master role, and Leo is now stuck with carrying out the extortion plan.doolkate (2)Can we talk for a minute about Kate? She's always been one of my favorite characters (I think she knew Will was gay long before he did), even when she's been given little of substance to do.But it's going to be hard for her to come back from her latest scheme, if she actually takes it to the logical conclusion. Taking down rival company Titan by destroying Sonny is a colossal mistake if she wants to continue to be back in the life of her grandson Will. He and Sonny may be divorced, but when Will inevitably regains his memory, this will not work out in Kate's favor.But the show must go on for Leo, and when he realizes Sonny is in a particularly sensitive mood (Will had come by to tell him that Gabi would soon be exonerated, and seeing Will always gives Sonny a wave of horny melancholy), Leo makes his move ... by hilariously trotting out the ancient "Oh no, i spilled coffee on my shirt so i must strip in front of you" trope.Just because it's old doesn't mean it doesn't work.greg (2)greg2 (2)The scheming continues as Leo pilfers Sonny's phone in order to send himself naughty texts as Sonny, and then screenshots the HR nightmare as evidence.greg3 (2)Sonny needs time to reflect on what just happened, so he visits his Guardian ManBun (I'm now about 80% convinced that ManBun is just a figment of Sonny's imagination and when all this is settled it will be revealed that the real ManBun died when he tripped headfirst into the deep fryer and has been haunting the Pub ever since), who tells him, I shit you not "Beer and bacon can't be a substitute for what you really want." Sonny takes this nugget of wisdom to heart.manbun (2)Sonny races back to the office and tries to withstand Leo's advances, but when Leo announces that he's decided to resign his office position with Titan for a more fulfilling position with Sonny, all bets are off and Sonny finally gives in to his carnal desires.sonny (2)Unfortunately, Sonny somehow doesn't notice the GIANT BLINKING RED LIGHT that's recording the entire scene.light (2)Well, i hope it was better than beer and bacon.In other Salem news, there was lots of blah blah blah about Abigail, Chad, and Stefan (who, as a villain, is a complete wet noodle), and former party girl Theresa is returning thanks to the most important non-recap part of this week's episodes.PAUL TELFER IS BACK!Paul plays Xander Cook, and in case you don't remember, here's a quick recap of his most important scenes.b (2)oveFEELpaul telfer days of our lives 03tumblr_ntkd72wegy1uxe96yo9_500tumblr_opq8oqfXHl1v9vzxbo3_400Sadly, with this show, i fear his storyline will be less "XXX: The Return Of Xander Cook" and more "ZZZ...:The Return Of Xander Cook".But my hope is that once Will regains his memory and returns to Sonny (you know it's going to happen), the show will make my dream come true.paulte2See you next week!